An Open Letter to the Graders of my AP Art History Exam

To Whom it May Concern,

I apologize.

I apologize for answering approximately 50% of the multiple choice questions, and I apologize for guessing randomly on half of the questions I did actually answer. I apologize for using the entire second page of the multiple choice section to draw an in-depth map of the solar system. Please note, however, that I spent a lot of time drawing Jupiter’s rings. And they look damn good.

I apologize for drawing a large cat with its tongue out and writing “MEOW” in bubble letters on the back of my essay booklet. It seemed quite fitting at the time. You see, I thoroughly enjoy cats.

I apologize that both of my essays consisted solely of one paragraph each about the Venus of Willendorf, even though the second one was supposed to be about contemporary art. I’m sure you’ll understand my situation when I say that I simply could not remember any contemporary art. In fact, all I could remember was the Venus of Willendorf.

I apologize for using the space provided to outline our essays to draw a large picture of said Venus and to make a to-do list for this weekend.  As you will see, I have much to do this weekend. As I’m sure you know, time management is a very important issue, especially when you’re as busy as I am. I hope you don’t take off points for “call my fabulous ex-boyfriend” and “CVS: buy cigarettes.”

I apologize for ending my second “essay” with “OOPS RAN OUT OF TIME LOL” in all capital letters, followed by a sad-face emoticon. In truth, I did not run out of time, but everyone else was leaving, and the only people left in the room were the ones who were actually serious about the test. It also might seem slightly illegitimate that I “ran out of time” when I clearly devoted a lot of time to drawing pictures of cats and fertility figures, mapping out the solar system, and making to-do lists. Please let me assure you, dear AP graders, that this is absolutely not illegitimate. Open your minds. Let the LOLcats speak for themselves.

On a more positive note, I did refrain from ending with my planned disclaimer of “I am actually going to college next year. And not a community college, I mean like… a real one. I promise.” Granted, about 95% of the rationale behind that decision was that I really just wanted to leave. So, I will take this opportunity to assure you, dear AP graders: I am going to college next year. And don’t worry, I’m not taking Art History.

Apologetically yours,
Cheezburger.