What If?

After receiving my yearbook last night, I’m left with a few concerns: firstly, I only remember about half of the “remember when?” quandaries. Secondly, at least three of my ex-boyfriends are either pictured or mentioned in the yearbook… granted, one is on my page, but still. “Remember when: Simpdog?” Yes, yearbook committee. I remember. And I was really trying to forget.

My biggest concern, however, is with the yearbook “What If” section. I LIKE my hypothetical “what if Hope had Skinny Molly,” however, I find that there are several hypothetical “what ifs” that would have a whole lot more bearing on everyone’s high school experience had they actually occurred.

I will list them here.

1. What if Hope had simple, straightforward relationships?
U.S. History with Dave last year would have had a whole lot more actual class time. You all would have learned more. Also, people wouldn’t have had to hear me whining / shouting / actually crying in the student lounge. The phrase “boy-trubs” would probably never have been coined.

2. What if Hope didn’t always smell like cigarettes?
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I smelled like smoke, I would be exponentially more wealthy than I am right now. I would also probably have more friends.

3. What if Hope wasn’t always judging us?
…I think about this one a lot.

4. What if Hope was anti-semitic?
Refer to #1.

5. What if Hope was good at Chemistry?
Seriously. What would I even DO? Life would be very different.

6. What if Hope was a die-hard Republican?

7. What if Hope handed assignments in on time?
…Hope would be going to an exponentially better college. There’s a “what if” for you, yearbook committee.

8. What if Hope had never discovered Lil’ Kim?

9. What if Hope was fanatically religious?
Scary, also implausible. What if, though?

10. What if Hope didn’t have a Facebook?
…SERIOUSLY though.

Blum, blam.