A Few of my Favorite Things: Married Student Housing

…self-explanatory: I have many. They don’t really need an introduction. Bon apetit.

1. Married Student Housing.
Honestly, this sounds like the best idea in the world. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am so completely infatuated with every principle behind married student housing (i.e. marriage, foolhardy unconditional love, public assertions of foolhardy unconditional love, liberal arts colleges) that I will probably someday compromise my happiness and self-worth just to live in the married students dorm… because, well, it’s the best idea I’ve ever heard.
Much to my dismay, the prospect of me living in married student housing is highly unlikely for several reasons. First of all, I don’t even have a boyfriend, let alone a fiancee or husband. That can change, though — and it will. My college of choice doesn’t have majors, but if it did, I would major in married student housing and finagling a way to live there.
Also, I don’t think my college really has married student housing. After your freshman year, you’re pretty much allowed to live with whoever you want, regardless of anyone’s gender. Here I should mention that my college is very, very annoying. We technically won that thing that on Gawker about being the most annoying liberal arts college in the country, but Wesleyan somehow stole our title, which I don’t understand. Wesleyan doesn’t really strike me as being annoying, aside from the fact that Barack Obama gave their commencement address, and that’s sort of unfair. Anyways, back to the point: married student housing is apparently not available, and while I could technically live with any potential husband under the whole “gender-blind housing” rule, that’s not nearly as fun.
Why, you might ask? Simple. The only thing I love more than foolhardy unconditional love is being able to shove the fact that you have found foolhardy unconditional love into the faces of the general collective, and married student housing accomplishes just that. See, if I were to tell someone that I was living in married student housing, they would immediately know that I had come upon foolhardy unconditional love… and honestly, I think that’s the most important part of any relationship, just seeing other people spiral into a jealous rage over how sickeningly cute and devoted you are. For me, at least.
Now all I have to do is find a boyfriend to be sickeningly devoted to, finagle a wedding, and find married student housing at the most annoying liberal arts college in the country. Maybe I’ll petition for themed housing… and the theme of my house will be “marriage.” Couplez only.

Blum, blam.